While at a recent gathering for a spiritual community, I was offered an exquisite specimen of a homemade cinnamon roll, big as my head, baked by a church elder. She handed me a plate, expectantly. I shrank.
"Oh, thank you! I can't have them," I apologized.
She glared at me. Full-on Stink Eye. "Oh. You're one of those."
"I - I'm sorry," I stammered. "I'm allergic. And...I can't eat sugar. I'm really sorry." Because it was my fault somehow that I couldn't eat her manna on a paper plate? Who was losing out here?
I've got dietary issues. Seriously.
This is not meant to be a "poor-me" story, though, so just read through for a little bit and you'll see what I'm getting at.
I'll explain to you what I've explained to countless others.
Because of some parasitic "guests" in my system I can't eat starches (except for four types of grain, soaked and sprouted), sugars of ANY kind including fruits, no rice no bread, none of that. Not even beans. And because these guests (and by this I mean single-celled organisms that have no good business in the human body) have caused leaks in my intestinal wall I can't eat gluten, soy, dairy, nuts, seeds, chocolate and probably a lot of other things.
The starches and sugars cause discomfort due to the propagation of said "guests", and all the other stuff just plain hurts. Refined oils, including canola and palm, just exacerbate whatever's going on.
This means I can't eat out, and I can't travel. Not easily. Not without a ridiculous amount of complication and drama. Not to mention depression.
Every time we go out and I sit across from someone with my glass of water watching others down nachos and fries and beet salad with gorgonzola and candied pecans, I'm almost always stuck rehashing my woes, listing everything I can't eat and then comforting my table mates while they process their own feelings of horror and guilt at eating in front of me. "It's okay," I assure them, "I'm used to it by now..."
And nothing I've done so far has come close to getting rid of them.
Now, I've been told by other professionals in my line of work whose health issues have begun to assert themselves as part of their own lives, that this is just what we all signed up for. Or that ill heath and physical pain is just the natural result of spiritual evolution. That somehow these 3D bodies weren't meant to hold all this light. "Oh, you're just a sensitive soul." I get that a lot.
Honey, there's a lot of times I'd rather be an insensitive boor and have a piece of pizza.
And what happened to the teaching of all the energy-healers in workshops and marketing materials all over the globe that every symptom that occurs in the physical body is a manifestation of some leftover crap in the energy field? Stuff we're not necessarily even aware of or immediately responsible for? So what happens to that argument when we start talking about "Oh woe is me! My vibration is just too high for this world!"
See this argument holds no water for me. How does it work, exactly? Or is it really some leftover programming from a culture that teaches us of a punitive God? Dear sister, this just isn't true!
Of course, I'm one to talk; it's how I react to the situation. Every time I fall off the wagon of meat, vegetables, and sprouted amaranth for barely a mouthful and start to have a symptom, the interior beatings begin. What did you expect, idiot? Really, I catch these things going on in my head. You're totally out of control. You just got what you deserve...
But what does dessert have to do with it? We're here, aren't we? We're here, and we're here to serve and to reflect the qualities of the divine to one another, so God can look at herself in seven billion mirrors and wink and say "Hey! Check me out!"
So why on earth would we be built to be in pain and ill health, just for trying to do what we came here to do? Doesn't make sense to me.
Sure, sometimes there are wonderful lessons to be learned from this kind of struggle. But here we also get free will. We get to choose how we learn our lessons. And we get to change our minds.
Me, I finally said whoa. This isn't my fault, no matter what pat little story I like to tell myself about how terrible I am. I want to go to hoop camp for a week, and I want to eat the vegan food they serve for that whole week and not be miserable and not hate myself and call myself foul names for not feeling good while I'm there. Is that too much to ask? Let me know, because I'm asking.
I finally threw down cash money to get some real, deep help from a practitioner who believes, like I do, that this illness is actually something that can be directly addressed and integrated into my being for my benefit. I asked for help to get this thing by the roots, look it in the eye, learn what's there to learn, and then walk away, renewed, healthy and vibrant. Whole.
Today we did some work that tells me that this is absolutely possible. I can see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. I've got a ways to go, but I see that there is a very real end to it. I've seen a place where my physical being can fully reflect my divine essence clearly and beautifully in comfort and joy.
And what the other suffering healers express is true, in that the light can make things pinch a bit at first.
What I think happens is that the brighter the light, the easier it is to see all the debris and error in perception and action that linger in the field. Which can hurt, and cause things like disease and chronic pain to show up, so that we can stop resisting it, digest it, and harmonize it with our own divine light. This isn't a comfy thing sometimes, and sometimes it takes a physical commitment, like, say, asking for help, or even paying for that help just to state to ourselves that we mean business.
It's like combing out tangles in your hair. A whole lotta light is like when you yank on it from the top it's just going to turn into a knotted mess, and it's gonna hurt. That's when the symptoms get worse.
But when we get some help to gently hold space for our process, and tease the tangle out from the bottom, bit by bit, eventually we find the central knot, and the rest of the snarl can fall away. All that emotional detritus and thought goo and the suffering we SO love to coddle and nurture just gets washed away with grace and compassion.
So just know you don't have to settle for illness, chronic pain, disease or any of it. There's help to be had.
And you are a perfect child of God who deserves that help.
I will keep you posted on my progress. And I would LOVE to hear your feedback!
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To learn more about Darcy Molloy, visit www.namahahealingarts.com.
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